


Only a Matter of Time

by Creed Cascade (creedcascade)



Series: Love of Your Life Verse [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loyalty, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-12
Updated: 2012-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-31 00:58:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/338147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creedcascade/pseuds/Creed%20Cascade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces, so Steve would have to do it (Mai Ka Wa Kahiko/Out of the Past - episode 2.15).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only a Matter of Time

_Rachel, uh, it’s Danny, uh... listen to me. I don’t, I don’t care if the baby is mine, or if it’s Stan’s or... or, I love you... okay, and I-I just feel in my heart that th-there’s still a shot, okay? We have a chance and this is ridiculous I’m doing this on a voicemail. Will you please call me back?_

Begging - Danny had been begging. A man like Danny shouldn’t beg. No one should make him beg them to love him. Because a man like Danny loved deeply and without question. He should never be put in a situation to beg. His voice had been broken and desperate in that fucking voicemail.

_Rachel, uh, it’s Danny, uh... listen to me. I don’t, I don’t care if the baby is mine, or if it’s Stan’s or... or, I love you... okay, and I-I just feel in my heart that th-there’s still a shot, okay? We have a chance and this is ridiculous I’m doing this on a voicemail. Will you please call me back?_

The words kept rolling over in Steve’s head as he kept Danny the focus of his attention, but hung back enough to give Danny space. Thank God it was over. They were all alive and made it through. In the moment, time was too short. But, afterwards there was always too much time.

Too much time to replay the events in his head. Too much to think about what you could have done differently. Too much time to recall the crushed expression on Danny’s face. Too much to hear the pain in his voice.

_I love you._

Rachel, not him. Sure, he’d known that, but hearing it put it all in perspective. Back in the field, Steve locked his feelings up and pushed them down. There was a job to do. Danny’s baby girl was in danger and they’d both do anything to protect her. Steve would die for her, if he’d had to. Steve already knew Danny would kill for Grace. Danny would do whatever a father needed to do to protect Grace. Unconditional love. That’s part of what made Danny the man Steve loved.

_I don’t care if the baby is mine, or if it’s Stan’s or... or, I love you..._

Just as Steve knew, but didn’t want to admit, Danny wanted to get back together with Rachel. It looked like Steve and Danny’s on and off again relationship was off again... permanently.

Don’t be selfish, Steve chided himself. This wasn’t about him now... it couldn’t be. This was about Grace and Danny.

I-I just feel in my heart that th-there’s still a shot, okay?

A shot to work things out. Danny’s voice sounded wrecked on that voicemail. That meant that Rachel wasn’t taking his calls, probably trying to work things out with Stan. But, they wouldn’t work out, because who in their right mind would choose Stan over Danny?

We have a chance and this is ridiculous I’m doing this on a voicemail.

It wasn’t the kind of conversation Danny would want to have on a voicemail. No, he was the kind of man who would do that face to face, but he’d resort to anything, even debasing himself for Rachel. Danny had broken it off with Steve on more than once, always in person.

He still remembered the last time.

If Danny couldn’t have Rachel, he wanted to try with another woman... a pretty, smart brunette who caught his eye.

* * *

“So, that woman at the museum... I’m gonna ask her out. So, our thing...” Danny gestured between them, his hands always reflecting his emotions. Gregarious, like Danny. “This thing we got...”

A thing? The best thing in Steve’s life?

If he could just let Danny get it out if his system – one date, maybe two. Danny could be smitten with the woman who reminded him of Rachel, but he had to come back to Steve.

“It’s just a date, Danny. You’re not asking her to marry you.”

Make a joke out it. Don’t show your real emotions. Don’t risk getting hurt, don’t push Danny away. Let him get it out of his system.

Danny scowled. “I’m not that kinda man. I’m not like you, Steve. I’m not the love ’em and leave ’em kinda guy.”

Steve loved Danny and would never leave him. He couldn’t. He hadn’t.

“How do you know what kind of guy I am?” The kind of guy that loves you... who tried to show it, but couldn’t say it? Who hoped you saw it, understood... but you couldn’t because you were asking out this woman. But for Danny he’d try. “I don’t want--”

“Oh, I know what you don’t want. You don’t wanna be tied down. You don’t want what I’m willing to risk. I’m tired of being alone.”

You have me. You’re not alone.

He’d try, for Danny... for them.

“No, Danny, I--”

“I’m asking her out. End of story. We’re not fucking around anymore, got that, Steve?”

A pause. A deep sigh. He must’ve caught something from Steve... maybe a hint of the panic Steve felt?

“Still friends, babe. Partners.”

Danny clapped him on the back and Steve forced himself to smile. It only made it worse that Danny wasn’t doing it to be cruel. He’d never made any promises to Steve – no declarations of love. He’d never hidden what Rachel meant to him - passion, love and hate, all mixed up and pulling/pushing the pair. Forever tied together by Grace.

Danny would be back. Steve just had to wait. He couldn’t risk the partnership by pushing it.

“Yeah, okay.”

* * *

The voicemail meant that while Danny was sharing his bed, Danny had been pursuing Rachel. While Steve thought they were working things out, getting more deeply involved, that Danny would’ve dropped him for Rachel.

As Steve watched Danny holding Grace and Rachel in his arms, all he could think was they were a family.

Stan and Steve were the outsiders.

Temporary.

Disposable.

Steve pushed those thoughts away because all that mattered was that Grace was safe and reunited with her parents. Steve hung back, keeping his distance from the family. He ignored the look from Chin, instead focusing on everything that needed to be done.

Chin’s look said, _I know – I’m sorry – We did it_ , all at once. The team was a different type of family. His team – Danny, Chin, and Kono – no one else. His family. His responsibility.

There would be damage control and Steve would do everything in his power and then some to protect Danny. The press wouldn’t get anywhere near him. Danny would get his time and space to grieve and comfort his family.

* * *

“When was the last time you slept?”

Steve glanced up to see Chin watching him. He’d taken a moment, just a moment, to sit down and that had been a mistake. Once he sat down, the weariness settled onto him.

Bone weariness.

Steve scrubbed his palms over his face and forced himself to stand up, settling on the familiar SEAL’s mask. There was still work to do.

Duty called.

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve said.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

He hadn’t slept in days, coming down from another case when this shit hit the fan. He’d been handling paperwork, consulting with the feds, and doing his best to keep the governor’s office off their backs. He’d managed to be a bastard, keeping the attention on him and away from Danny as much as possible.

“There’s still work to do,” Steve said, waving vaguely in the direction of the main doors. “Go ahead, get outta here. I got it.”

“No.”

“That’s an order.”

Chin crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “Sorry, I don’t take orders from walking zombies. Danny needs you.”

He said the one thing that Steve had no choice but to drop everything and obey.

* * *

Grace and Rachel were safe. Grace had been checked out at the children’s hospital and gave a brief statement to Kono with Danny hovering ever so close. Safe and untouched, but clinging to her Danno. Danny wouldn’t let anyone but those he trusted near Grace. She shirked away from uniformed officers. He only left her side when Rachel forced him. No shouts, just choked and whispered accusations in the hallway. Whatever Rachel said turned Danny’s face ashen and he curled his fingers into fists. He let Rachel take Gracie away to Stan’s bedside.

Steve was there when Danny got checked out by the medics, hanging back. Afraid to get too close.  
Steve was there when Danny was questioned and gave his statement, standing quiet and in the background. Danny’s voice was hollow – facts, just the facts, as he recounted the events of the day. Danny Williams, ever the professional. On temporary suspension with pay until an investigation. Steve knew Danny would be cleared, it was all a formality. He was released informally into Steve’s custody with HPD instructions to keep Danny safe and sane. Support from his brothers on the force. They’d never know. Because no one could know what he shared with Danny. There was no Happily Ever After for them. That was the reality of their relationship.

Steve stayed by Danny’s side through it all, because that’s what you did for the person you loved – for your partner. He stayed because Danny needed him. Stayed close but not touching Danny, whose body language was tense and guarded –close to the inevitable breakdown.

The rage, grief, and worry would break any time. Then Steve would be there to take it. Anything for Danny’s sake – anything to distract him from the thought of losing Grace. Anything to keep Danny from blaming himself.

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,  
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  
All the king's horses and all the king's men  
Couldn't put Humpty together again._

Rachel wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces, so Steve would have to do it.

* * *

Danny got into Steve’s car without saying a word. On the drive to Steve’s place, Danny kept staring blankly out the window.

_Tick tock. ___

It was only a matter of time.

Silence and tension stretched between them as they made their way inside.

Steve wanted to say something to take Danny’s pain away.

What could you say? Anything he ran through in his mind sounded wrong – sounded trivial. He wanted to comfort Danny, but didn’t dare touch him. Danny had to make the first move.

Danny made it into the living room, but simply stood there in the dark with his shoulders slumped. Steve watched, stalking along the edges of the living room keeping the perimeter safe.

_Tick tock._

He could pretty much hear the self-blame and guilt running through Danny’s mind. Thinking he should’ve done better by Grace, should’ve protected her. That his choice to be a cop endangered his family – his baby girl.

_Tick tock._

Danny was a cop. It wasn’t a job, it was what he was. Steve understood that in a way that Rachel never could. Steve got that. It was his life, too.

Live to serve.

If Steve wasn’t careful, he’d lose Danny –not just as a lover, but as a partner.

Cop vs. Father. Danno would win out.

Danny was a cop, but Grace came first. There’d be no choice when it came to her.

This could be the last straw.

What did you say? What could you say? There were no words that encompassed everything haunting them both.

I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I want you to be happy. Seeing you like this is killing me and I don’t know how to make it better.

Steve had never been good with words, rather a man of action. He was supposed to be brave and had a chest full of medals on his dress uniform to prove it. While Danny stood in the darkness, Steve made his way to his side. Steve held his breath, his hand hovering over Danny’s shoulder before he dared to touch.

Feather light, he settled his hand beside the collar of Danny’s sweat stained shirt. His thumb brushed along the seam, feeling Danny’s muscles tense beneath his hand.

_Tick tock._

Time was running out.

Danny was worth it.

You don’t choose those you love. Steve never would’ve chosen to fall in love with his partner, officially his subordinate. He never would’ve fallen in love with someone still in love with his ex-wife. But, love it was and Danny had to know now.

“I love you,” Steve whispered.

Danny’s hand shot up, iron grip and fingers digging into Steve’s wrist. He whipped around, brutally pushing Steve against the nearest wall, keeping Steve’s wrist in his grip.

Chest pressed to chest – breathing the same air.

“I love you,” Steve said again, not backing down.

Danny’s chest heaved, breathing as if he’d run a marathon.

“Go ahead, do it,” Steve whispered, voice raw and meeting those intense blue eyes.

If it would make Danny feel better, even for a moment, then he’d take whatever the man had to dish out and not fight back. He closed his eyes and waited for the maelstrom to begin.

Take it like a man, McGarrett.

Instead of a fist pummelling his face, Steve felt the brush of Danny’s lips against his own. A shiver crept down Steve’s spine.

_Tick tock._

Danny pressed his forehead against Steve’s shoulder, his fingers still locked in a death grip around Steve’s wrist.

“I need you,” Danny whispered back.

Need, not love. Danny needed him.

Steve could live with that for now. As long as he didn’t lose him. He wrapped his free arm around Danny’s waist, pulling him closer and holding on tight.

Hold on tight and never let go.

END.  



End file.
